Falling in love - do it ASAP.

My life just took a sharp turn. The past 8 years or more, my average wake-up time was 8:00 AM. Now it is moving to 6:00 AM. Life is becoming slightly systematic. And the best(worst?) part is that I find it good. I have started to prioritize things. There is a proper plan for doing things.

Yes, these all are very good signs.

Now coming to the bad part of it. I am not completely successful in making the plan and executing it. There are quite a number of unexpected things coming up - to be done and vital. I had not given enough time for those things. :(

Anyway, I am slowly learning. It is never late to correct yourself, never too late to improve yourself. Just go ahead and do it. If you keep on planning all the time, nothing works. Just jump in and do. I am doing it and surprisingly, it works for me.

Anyway, all these developments are new in my life. I shall give the updates later.

What I would really want to discuss is "love".

Before going to the topic, why don't you have a look at this cool abstract picture - it was taken by me, two years back.



Okay, to love. I've had crush on umpteen girls in my life. During my BTech, I was actually graduating in flirting rather than in CS. Except once, I never made a real attempt to get a girl friend. I would say it was so stupid of her to turn me down. Sigh!

When I turn back, I really feel that I missed a lot. I should not have missed that golden opportunity. While you are in bachelors, you can do almost anything - without screwing up your life.

Fall in love with someone "lovely/cute/handsome", then within 6 months you fight with that person who turned to a beast in 6 months. Then go get another person who is "lovely/cute/handsome" at the moment. Also keep in mind that you might get dumped anytime! That would have been a wonderful time!. If only I had a time machine!!

The experience you get through this love-break-up cycle should help you in future. It will help you to be sane when it comes to a situation where your "ideal-partner" turns you down. [may be you are the only one thinks it is "ideal"]

Hey, no no ... it was not me who went insane. It was someone else. It would be too bad of me to point at someone.

I would tell all those bachelor students to go ahead and find a girl/boy friend. The only thing you want to make sure is that your studies are going just fine. Everything else is fine. Once again: "Make sure that you do not screw up your marks".

Also, never feel committed. You should be free to walk away from it anytime; you can find your partner later in life. This is the time you learn how to do it better.

Do not hesitate to confess your feelings for someone. Just do it. You are not losing anything. And if you get rejected, just be relieved that then you can approach the next person in the list ;).

Fine, all said. I should point out some of the major drawbacks too. If you do not know how to manage things well, you will slowly lose your friends because of this "special" relationship. Later when that "special" person dumps you, you would have NO friends to offer tissues to wipe your tears.

Another thing is, most of the humans are slaves of emotions and hence there is a good chance of getting trapped in the relationship. You might want to get out of it and would not have enough strength to do it. Beware of these two important hidden problems.

Signing off, Sands.

PS1: If someone goes ahead and gets trapped, I will not take responsibility for that.
PS2: If some one is scared by the warnings [the bold large lines], again I will not take the responsibility of your cowardliness. Your decision is only yours.
PS2: ASAP means As Soon As Possible
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Born to Burn

There is fire inside me. Yes, it is burning - the fire which gives energy to me, the motive power - the source of energy, the energy which is flowing through me, to my dear people when they need it - The Internal Combustion Engine.

The past one week, not even a single day I have slept more than 5:30 hours. I have just begun a new phase of my life. Saturday and Sunday, I didn't touch books. It was a break - the Quiet before the Storm. The storm is on it's way.

I am not ready to compromise. I want to study well and have a wonderful extra-curricular life too. It's a pity that a day is only 24 hours long. Starting at 6:00 in the morning, by 10:00 at night, I am pretty tired. Still I go till 12:30. This will be only for a couple of days more. Then I'll get used to it.

Yesterday went for the movie "300". I guess the hype was a little more than it deserved. But I should tell, the dialogues are really well measured and very precise, concise and crisp. With the bare minimum dialogues the movie stands different. It's actually very well done. And, this movie was the only movie in the past two months.

This semester, other than my regular work, I have to help some friends. This is going to be tough. They need help with - Automata Theory, CFG, Complexity - sounds very easy to learn - not so easy to teach. I have forgotten them too, means I should start from scratch.

They want - Number Theory, Optimization. Number theory is something which I've been wanting to learn well for quite some time. I am happy I will have to learn optimization too. The book by Paul Halmos had already inspired me to learn his favorite area of math.

Finally, there was an incident which flattered me so much. Some one told me that I am a "coolnerd". What is this cool nerd? - "coolnerds are brainy folks who manage to somehow study as much as they have fun" - this is what he says.

It's only I who know what the truth is. But when I feel that the perception other have is what I want to perceive myself... It at least makes me happy and also motivates.

Signing off, Sands.

PS: A funny thing. I read the following in an article for PhD students.

Many graduate students suffer from insecurity, anxiety, and even boredom. First of all, realize that these are normal feelings.

Since when onwards, these are normal feelings? But I do agree with him completely.
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Digitalisation and many other changes

One month back I finished 25 years of life. When I turn back and look, I am satisfied and happy. I guess, I have done well till now, I do not have any regrets on anything.

When I think of the action which I consider to be one of the stupidest from me, it was persuading my father to get me a printer - while I was in 3rd semester of BTech. (hey, this 3rd sem of BTech is coming in this post too - I learned a lot then or what?). Finally, my father got me an HP Deskjet 640c. To be frank, that printer was not used by me properly - not even 100 pages I'd have printed with that! - and this is the stupidest one as far as I can think of.

Another thing should be my dare-devil driving. Both in bike and in car. The fact that I am still alive without having even a single accident - this is one of the wonders. I still get shudders when I think about my driving during those times. I am not bold enough to write some of the scariest incidents in this blog where my mother is a regular reader. Luckily, I am far better now. - my mother would vouch for it.

There were other things which I used to consider as stupid actions, but now I realise they were not.

Altogether, I was quite a nice person, quite successful till now.

Anyway, "jho ho gaya, so ho gaya", "past is past", "nadannathu nadannu" .. I have learned a lot also. Let me look forward.

Even though I have written it down a couple of times already, I want to write it again. I want to be more systematic and organised. Probably, from other people's point of view, I am one of the most organised one. They do not have even the faintest clue about what is Chaos!

Prioritization and time management are the key factors. I have not been very successful in these things till date. Trying to do a *lot* of things in a single go - that was the problem. I had never done things slowly. Whatever I've done till now were too easy for me. Now I am into something which is huge - really HUGE.

For the same reason, let me try some baby-step-giant-step methods. I just mean to say that I will starting slowly and then gain pace afterwards.

Another major change which I am going to make is 'digitalisation'. I am planning to move towards a paperless world of mine. There will be exceptions like - writing a letter to a friend etc. Otherwise, I do not want to have even a single piece of paper around me. Hey, no need to worry here - I will continue to write with my hand - just for the pleasure of it. Moving digital needs it's own perfection. Towards this end, I am doing everything in LaTeX and I am amzingly fast at this.

Finally, the most important thing - until I finish my PhD, I am going to eat math, drink math, think math and live life. For another 2-3 years, 5 days a week, I will be living in the library - yes, "Live in the Library". At the end of it, I'll come out as a pundit/guru.

That's pretty much about it.

An irrelevant thing: When I read blogs, even in a regularly visited blog, the first 2 paragraphs are enough for me to make up my mind - whether to continue or to leave the entry. And shockingly, I find that my blog falls in the 'leave it' category. Do people really read my blog? Or am I living in a fool's paradise?

Signing off, Sands.

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Paper Anniversary of This

This blog has entered its second year. Yeah, today is the birthday. This is the 86th post. That means, on an average there was one post in every 4 days. I went back to some of my old posts, looked at them, read them and also considered the thoughts I had when I posted them. I even looked into the style of writing which existed during those days. When I compare that with my present thoughts and style, I can see lot of differences.

My language and way of expressing ideas have improved by leaps and bounds. Surprisingly, my thoughts are more mature than those times. Yes, I am growing old and I ought to get matured, but seeing the growth, in front of my eyes... just like in a movie... gives me a lot of pleasure.

I still want to grow a lot more - both in terms of my thoughts and in terms of writing. There are many other fellow bloggers whom I admire - for their ideas and style. Some day I will catch up with them.

Now, to the matter. The past few days.. or weeks were probably the most stressful time in my life. Other than the reduced frequency of blog entries, I had not shown any symptoms of stress. My friend with whom I regularly talk, expressed that I had been a little pessimistic - lately. Yes, then that was a symptom.

I was facing some major problem related to my PhD life. I do not claim that it is over now, but after talking with professor, I am relieved for the moment. The problem was something like, I was put in the middle of an ocean and asked to swim.

I didn't know where to swim and how long I'll have to swim. Every direction except to the bottom - looked equally easy or difficult to move to. I could not manage to have a meeting with professor for about 40 days. So, the confidence level was steeply falling. Now, things are better.

Not that I know where to go. But rather than being confused, I have finally decided to go. To start with a small pace, but to be consistent and steady. Then to accelerate slowly.

I draw all my energy from my past - the fall in 3rd semester of BTech. Now I am happy that I had screwed up my 3rd semester then. I had rescued myself while I was sinking. If I could do that, now I'd do even better. Of course the problems are much bigger now, but I have all the techniques learned in 6+ years.

I wanted to write something more, but it is already a long post. I care for my readers. Yes, I do care for you my dear reader. :)

I wish happy b'day for my blog and good luck for me.

I have lot of pending things to finish, many things to catch up - will be busy for many coming days. Still, posting will be regular.

Signing off, Sands.

PS: Paper anniversary means first anniversary. Normally you give paper gifts on this anniversary (correct me if I am wrong)

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