“Me Time” and Christmas Presents

After about 5 weeks of quite busy schedule, I am grounded at home – that too all the dear souls are away: Berlin/Cologne/Poland/Egypt/India.

After getting back from the hospital, except for the Christmas day, I had total “me time”. (Thursday was the best – for I was not alone, but I could be totally myself ).

I had/have time to reflect, to philosophise, and also to have some entertainment.

You know what? We all are afraid of uncertainty. The thought “what will happen?” simply eats up our mind. We end up doing stupid things to escape from this uncertainty. We want control over time and things – even the bad things happen to us should happen at the time we choose to.

Funnily enough, as we fear uncertainty, we are afraid of certainty too. We are so scared to commit, for we want to keep all the doors open. Even while believing in ‘Nine doors open when one closes’, I think that sometimes it is stupid to let the one-door close and look for the other nine.

Many a time you realise, much later, the value of what you let go… but the damage would have been done by then. Choosing a profession/job, committing to a partner, etc. fall into this category. If you know Malayalam, you may read it here in my Malayalam blog (some of my stupidities :P ).

Anyway as I said, I am enjoying my time. I finished 3+ seasons of the well celebrated quiz programme “QI”. Amazing stuff.

Speaking of time, did you see that watch in the beginning of the post?

That is a gift I received for Christmas. Isn’t it lovely? Even when I have doubted about the lack of practicality of pocket-watches, I’ve always wanted such things. Hmm.. I am all for ‘finer things’ in life. :)

As usual, I bought gifts for myself. Global warming advocates may bark at me, but I do get the books gift-wrapped when I buy.

Being attracted by Stephen Fry, a book from him and the first one of the Twilight saga – to know what it is.

So my dear friends, I wish you all a happy new year.

Signing off, Sands.

PS: Health recovered 90%.. I can walk without any external help.

PPS: A smile for you for reading till here. :)

PPPS: There is a packet waiting for me in the post office. I think it is a gift too.

Painfully uncomfortable and uncomfortably painful.

The title captures my state of affairs at the moment. But that’s ok…. I already walked with that pain… you know? I walked.. W A L K E D…. without the steel reinforcement :) :)

I don’t like it when people do something to me without letting me know. I am not at all scared by any of these medical procedures. I am even curious to know how all these things work – hence I want to know what is being done.

After giving me the room yesterday, I was asked to strip.. until naked. The nurse went out, I stripped and lay myself inside the blanket. After a short wait, I was taken to the the surgery department where I was moved to a tall-stretcher. I could remember the last time I was there. It was cold and they gave me green warm blankets… yesterday too.

Afterwards, I was transferred to the room where I was asked about 10 questions last time. Yesterday there were only very few questions…

Do you know what is that I hate the most? Pasting that ECG thing without shaving the chest-hair. Grrrr… when they peel it off, the pain is unbearable if the hair wasn’t removed. And my chest is hairy enough.

She pasted the ECG thing, connected me to the computers, gave me a mask and said it was oxygen (Sauerstoff in German) and I started breathing it. At the same time something was entering my body through a needle....

…..BLANK…..

Had I known that I was being slowly put to sleep, I could have keenly observed for the feelings… Missed a chance..

Anyway.. after a few hours I woke up and asked for steel rod first. I have carried it more time than a mom carries her child. :P … So I should ask for it just like a mom would for her baby… right?

(It is long… more than a foot for sure. (near the tip, I can see my flesh and blood still there…))

Once I was brought to the ward, I made calls to three or four people (mom incl.). The surprising thing is that I don’t even remember what I told them.

I should think that those calls were involuntary than deliberate. As if I was programmed to call the ones I care about (or the other way around). I just don’t remember what I spoke… amazing isn’t it?

I had lunch… which I could not recollect by any means except that it was tasty – another magic of sedative.. :)

Slept – woke up – slept – woke up…. by 5-6 in the evening my memory and brain really rebooted. By then the painkiller also had worn off. Oh boy, it was some pain. But that’s fine…

Without pain, I’d move a lot and the healing would be slow. But for the record: the pain is uncomfortable and the discomfort of not being able to move is painful.

A few words about the nurses (male/female): I am just wondering how can they be so sweet. Especially the physiotherapy nurses – the male nurse is so friendly and extreme funny… the female one is extremely sweet instead of funny.

So, that’s where I stay now. Looking forward to the visits this evening, to the planned xmas celebration, etc.

I already finished a book from the list from the previous post. :)

Signing off, Sands.

Funny/Queer Feeling.. :)

Tomorrow morning at about 7:30+ I am to walk into the operation theatre … (hmm… probably I will walk only up to the anaesthesia room, there on they’ll take me on the rolling cot)

I haven’t asked anyone to accompany me. Do I need to wake him/her up that early in the morning? My friends would come to the hospital, before I am awake again.

It is a routine surgery (one to take the steel rod out of my leg). I would have chosen for a local anaesthesia though. Yet another full body anaesthesia – that’s what I am going to have. I guess, things would be just fine this time, unlike the last year’s mess up and ICU stay.

I have to do some packing now (for the stay in hospital), then clean up my room a bit. When I come back, a couple of guys are going to be visiting me regularly. My room is a ‘living’ proof for second law of thermodynamics (“Chaos will increase automatically”) and I don’t want them to witness it.

I am not tensed or worried about the surgery. But I have some kind of weird feeling about choosing to go alone for a surgery. Crazy.. ah? (The word funny in the title is the equivalent of Komisch in German which means more like “queer” than funny)

All the same, I am looking forward to the bed-rest time. I have to finish a few books and also start-and-finish some before the vacation will be over.

1. Lord of the Rings (only part 3)
2. Anna Karenina (last one third)
3. H2G2 – re-reading
4. A midnight murder story (Malayalam)
5. Yayathi (Malayalam)
6. Das Parfum (150 pages more to go) (German)
7. Richtig Leben mit Ge.Wei (German)

That would do for two weeks. I shall write more here, after the surgery and all.

I am all excited about being healthy again. Afterwards, I can do anything and everything I want to do. Lovely prospect.. isn’t it? :) :)

Signing off, Sands.

Mixed up (Avial)?

I shall start with some small complains – my room is totally messy, I have to do laundry and get things in order… and so much of other work to do too. I had been pretty busy lately and I still don’t feel I have done something solid. Grrr…. (you know the feeling?)

One thing I am glad about is that I read about 6 books in the past 3 weeks or so. Surprisingly, all of them were good.

I had been invited/joined by friends for the past few days as Christmas is at our doorsteps and everyone wants to celebrate. I didn’t have enough time to put a post itself – so you know I was really busy. My other blogs are going through a period of draught (fault is indeed mine). Perhaps I need to put a cap on my socializing.

Leaving aside the little complains – on the whole, life is beautiful. Even the snow is here – can life be not beautiful then?

For some reason, the books all were pretty romantic. “A heart to hire”, “French Lover”, and “The owner of my heart” : the ones which have love/romance even in the name itself. (the heart ones were malayalam)

After one of the ‘heart’ books, I wished – if only someone dear to my heart knew Malayalam well enough, so that I could read it out for her.

Then, I read “Dildo” (malayalam) and “Disgrace”. Don’t bother about the name “Dildo”, for it is not what you think it is. It is a well crafted pulp-fiction of six deaths in a completely new style of narration, which I could even call ‘post-modern’.

It would take a lot of my and your energy and time if I am to write reviews.

Hmm… I know, this post is a bit of mess.. just as my room is. Some post is better than none… no? Just to make sure that you all won’t have to miss me. :P

Signing off, Sands.

Song of the moment: Uyire ennuyiril vanthai… Uyirukku uyire thanthai…
Meaning: Love (you) came to my life; gave life to my life, made it lively…
(Had been listening to it for the past 10 days or so… as if I’m addicted)

Zweiohrkücken (Two Eared Chick)

It is the title of a new German film. I like romantic comedies by default. I had been seeing the trailer of this film since ever and had wanted to watch it. (I like the heroine too).

It was a spontaneous impulsive decision to go for it tonight – asked Daniela and Johannes, both were more than willing to go. :)

I won’t bore you with the details of it even though it was a very decent film. I must have missed some of the jokes, but I still had enough to laugh.

Oh boy, after the film I had even better time. Last train had left. We walked through the sleeping city…. it was slightly drizzling… After Johannes left us, we kind of planned to walk all the 5-10 kms. But with the busy schedule for morning, we chose to hail a taxi.

After Daniela got down at her place, I had a small chat with the taxi driver (on my way home). A very nice German fellow. Who said there is racism? Of course there is discrimination based on language, but racism - I fail to see.

BTW, Whenever I go with my friends – film/restaurant/anything, I simply pay from my pocket without worrying about splitting the money. I take the option of splitting the expense if and only if it is really a big amount.

Earlier, some of my German friends had a problem with not splitting. Either I pay, or you pay – we don’t split (at least I don’t) : that’s what I say. Now they also seem to be accepting it. Come on, it is only a few Euros and I know that money is only as valuable as it is – not a knut (penny) more.

If I can happily spend my valuable time with you and speak out my thoughts to you, I can easily buy you that ticket/lunch etc. too. Asking about splitting would hurt me.

A lot to write about how happy I am off late. Just plain happy, energetic and excited… I myself keep wondering “Am I smoking something to be ‘high’ all the time?” :)

Well, dear people, I’ll go finish reading “French Lover” and then rewind the film in my head and S L E E P.

~~~

Have you experienced things which you could call neither dreams nor thoughts?I have, I have them almost every morning lately.

Being a _very_ sound sleeper, real dreams are unusual to me as I don’t remember any. But, recently (during the past 3 months) I dream about the same person every morning… In the early hours of morning, she exists in the dream-thought-mixture… Earlier it was painful, now she is a sweet-habit of mine. :)

After watching Zweiohrküken, I wait for tomorrow’s early morning hours.

Signing off, Sands.

PS: In the supermarket, my mouth watered at the sight of chillies. I bought a bottle of them just to eat/chew like that. (unfortunately, they aren’t as spicy as I wanted them to be) :(

Silver Lining…

The sky was cloudy and the city was gloomy for the past two days. I was as usual happy and energetic though. When others said “it’s cold”, I said “pleasant”. Still, I wanted the sun.

When I woke up today, the sky was clear. The sun was not yet out. Of course, I volunteered to welcome him. :)

Sitting at the kitchen window (which faces east) and reading (while sipping my tea) has made my day already. As to what I was reading, you’ll know soon.

I sat there, I saw the contrasting dark sides of the buildings in the east and the bright sides of buildings in the west – illuminated by twilight.

Through the street rushed people to the railway station… starting their day. Moms brought their kids to the kindergarten on the other side of the street.  I’ve always liked to sit there (3rd floor) and observe those little people walking through the street.

My flatmate, came out from the shower with long curly wet hair and made her tea. A bit plump, she is quite well shaped, in fact, more than well shaped. She standing there and making her breakfast was another treat for my eyes. (I can go on explaining )

You can imagine how much I would have read.

By then, the tops of the west-buildings were starting to shine. Sunlight started falling through the gaps between east-buildings.

A few minutes gone and I saw the tip of the sun …. above a building; it quickly grew into a big fireball in the sky.

It casted a sharp shadow of me, which looked like a monster behind me, on the wall.

I got up from the chair, closed the book, put my cup in the sink, got back to my room. Now starts my busy day. :)

Signing off, Sands.

PS: Looks like, today is going to be a sunny day. Of course, why would he hide behind the clouds when I have guided him to rise. :)